I Want to be a Hero...Well, Heroes Pray

What is the connection we make with the hero in a story? Why does the “hero” story resonated so much with us? I think most people, for the moment that they are watching or reading the story, live through this character. And through this, we become the hero. But why is that appealing? One reason is because in that moment we have the hope that we can be the person we want to be. For a moment, we believe we can be the hero in our own story.

We connect with the hero that is throwing everything he has at the enemy. He/she holds nothing back and finally is able to overcome their adversary. In this, we get a sense that we can do it, too. That we can conquer our enemies, our trials, our troubles, our child that doesn’t want to potty train, our home project that’s taking forever, our financial troubles, our marriage issues, our teenager.

We connect with the hero that is fighting for his loved ones, fighting for what is right, fighting for truth and justice, fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves. We get this sense that what we are fighting for is worth it. That we can protect the ones we love, that we can overcome our enemies, that our counter-cultural ways of living and raising our children are worth the sacrifices, that our views on life and family will endure, that good will always triumph over evil.

These heroic stories give us hope that we can be the kind of men we want to be. Hope that we can be the heroes in our own story. Well, now this raises some questions. What kind of man/hero do you want to be? What is your storyline? What or who are the adversaries in your story? You may have some ideas of your own. You could be fighting depression, anger, a setback at work, a crazy boss, financial troubles, teenagers, pornography, self esteem, etc. Maybe you have a list, maybe you don’t.

If you are a husband, maybe you’re fighting resentment, anger, the divorce culture, selfishness, etc. If you're a father, maybe you are fighting the me-culture, the effects of social media (on you and your kids), anger, fear of failure, the culture of death, relativism, etc.

For any hero to conquer their enemy, it is important to know who or what you're fighting. Here, I don’t want to go into identifying your enemies too deeply. (I did address this a little in another post and I will try to link it when I get a chance.) Briefly, one way to identify the enemies that are attacking us personally is to do an examination of conscience. There are various ways to do this (just google it). One way is to go down the Ten Commandments and ask yourself, “have I violated any of these?” and make a list of them.

What I want to focus on here is what do you fight your enemies with? What is your “everything I’ve got?” You may be fighting with help from youtube videos, books, special programs, counseling, friends, etc. These things are all great and many times necessary, but is that all you’ve got? Heroes always have something more, some special ability or some superpower. I say you have more to throw at the enemy. I say it is time to use your superpower. What is your superpower? Prayer.

I think prayer is one of the most underused superpowers that we as believers have available to us. At least, this is true for me. Or has been. I am working on using this power more and more and I hope you will, too.

Prayer needs to be the first and last thing we throw at our enemies. Pray before the enemy attacks, pray when the enemy attacks, and pray when the enemy is gone. My wife and I pray every day for our children’s spouse or religious community that they will be pure and holy and set apart for our children. We are praying now for something that is years to come. And when our children join their spouse or religious community, we will continue to pray for them. So pray before the enemy attacks. It doesn’t have to be years before. It could be days, hours, minutes. Each day as you begin the day, before the enemy attacks, pray for the strength to conquer your enemies.

Usually for me, praying before or after the enemy attacks is not the problem. It's praying when the enemy is attacking that’s the problem. Praying in the heat of the battle. This is the time we (or at least I) tend to put away the prayer. And I whip out the youtube self help knowledge or my own mind or strength and try to plow through the enemy with the flesh. But I am finding more and more that I am only winning, if I’m winning at all, the fleshly battles while the war still rages on. I may remove the iPad from the child but the attacks on their self image or the attacks on what is good and true rages on. I may fix the leaky pipes but the attacks of “why does this happen to me” rages on. I may apologize to my wife but the wounds of the offense still rages on.

What we need to understand is that these enemies are not going to be defeated with mere human strength. This is what Christ knew and the Apostles came to realize. If you read about Christ, you’ll see He fought His major battles with the enemy with prayer. He did not fight with just His flesh. Jesus threw everything He had at the enemy most especially the power of prayer. And you’ll see in the gospels that the Apostles came to realize this and they ask Him, “Lord, teach us how to pray?” They understood to fight the enemy they would need this superpower, as well. When will we come to understand this? When will we say, “Lord, teach us how to pray?”

If we want to conquer our enemies, it's time to start throwing everything we got at them. It is time to be a hero. And heroes pray!

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Beloved be Loved:

I set a New Year’s resolution to be a better man, better husband, and better father. For Lent, I am trying to pray, fast, and give alms. These two events are not unrelated. What is Lent? Drawing closer to God. What is my New Year’s resolution about? Being the man God created me to be. How do I do that? By drawing closer to God.

This is what I want for you, as well. ALL that I post on Manville Ministries is meant to help you draw closer to God. There are a lot different things I want to share with you to help you draw closer to God, teachings of the Church, thoughts on how be a better man, practical advice for loving your wife, guidance to raising children, but all that will be in vain if I fail to tell you most important thing: God loves you!

My first steps to becoming a better man are to:

1. Acknowledge my Creator.

2. Acknowledge God as Father.

3. Acknowledge my sonship

Have you done this? Have you accepted God as your Father? Have you accepted that you are His beloved son (daughter, for the women readers)? After Jesus was baptized, He came out of the water and He heard His Father speak these words to Him, “You are my Beloved Son; with you I am well pleased” (Mark 1:11). After that Jesus went on to fulfill His purpose for being here on Earth. God is longing for you to hear those same words! Many of you are longing to hear those words. Some of you have never heard those words and some you have heard them but for whatever reason they have faded with time. To each of you, take time this Lenten season to let your Father say those words to you. It is only after you really hear those words in your heart that you are able to move forward in fulfilling your purpose for being Earth. That’s how powerful those words are! All that you are, all that you are meant to be is bond up in the Truth of those words.

You are God’s beloved child. I hope you will take sometime between now and Easter to think about that Truth. Beloved be loved!

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“I’m Giving Up Being Stupid for Lent!”*

Who is with me? I hope that you are looking forward to Lent. I’m not looking forward to the sacrifice and suffering but the spiritual growth that can occur through celebrating Lent. I know most Christians are looking forward to Easter. Even Christians that do not attend church regularly show up for church on Easter Sunday. Imagine how much more Easter will mean to us if we start to prepare for it now! That is what Lent is all about. Lent is a time, 40 days, for purification and preparation for Easter through prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.

I know when I think about Lent my mind goes first to fasting, but in preparing for Lent this year, the other two areas have been brought to my attention. What are we trying to do during Lent? Grow closer to Jesus, right? Well, what better way to grow closer to Him than to spend some extra time talking to Him. I encourage you to make prayer a part of your Lent. Speak to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. And don’t forget to listen. Spend some time just listening.

When it comes to fasting, I usually think about giving up some form of sugar during Lent, but last year I decided to give up something that would be more of a sacrifice for me. This year, I will give up something else that I feel is even more of a sacrifice than last year. What will you fast from? Is it a true sacrifice? Is it something that you will desire during Lent? I think that is important to consider. When you do desire that which you have given up, ask Jesus to give you that same desire for Him. If the absence of that which you have given up causes you discomfort and pain, i.e. suffering, offer up your suffering for those that are suffering not of their own free will. Thank Jesus for suffering for you and for the Easter that was and is to come in which Jesus takes away our sufferings.

Lastly, although no less important, include almsgiving in your Lenten celebration. This involves doing something for others. This can be as simple or as complex as you want. I think all of us could offer someone a kind word. A sign I recently read reads, “Be the reason someone smiles today.” What if we live that for the next 40 days. Some of us need to start with the people at home. Be the reason your spouse smiles today. Be the reason your children smile today. Be the reason your mother-in-law smiles today! Okay, but she can learn to smile.**

I pray that this Lenten season will be a great time of growth for you. I pray you will be prepared to celebrate Easter with a whole new perspective on what the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus means to you!

*quoted from Fr. Mike Schimtz.

** My mother-in-law is great and knows how to smile.

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New Year Resolution, How’s That Going For You?

What was your New Year's resolution? Are you still keeping it? I had a few vague resolutions that I set. I resolved to be a better man, husband, and father. Another, more specific one (but still with vague aspects) was to start a men's ministry. I’ll tackle the latter first.

I launched Manville Ministries on Jan 1st and I am still here working on this resolution. So, I have at least one resolution still going for me. Now, the other resolutions(or it could be considered one resolution depending on your perspective) are a different story. I am working on these resolutions, but at what success?

I said you could look at these as one resolution or three separate resolutions depend on your perspective. For example, if you are a man but not a father or husband, these may be separate resolutions or they may be one resolution, if you are all three and recognize that to be better at one is to be better at all three. I will tackle these separately and you can read the ones that pertain to you. (Man City, Husbandry, Fatherhood)

Becoming a Better Man (Part 1)

So, I resolved to be a better man. Why? For me it’s being the change I want to see. If I want to change someone ,or the world, the best place to start is with myself. I want to see more men finding fulfillment in what they do. I want to see more men building others up instead of tearing them down. I want to see more men with morals and integrity. I want to see more men accepting their sonship of their creator. I want to see more men valuing their masculinity and valuing the femininity of women. I want to see these things in others; therefore, I want others to see these things in me.

What is it to be a man? For me the answer lives with the Creator. God made man so He would be the one to tell me what it is to be a man. I try to determine what God is telling me a man should be through prayer, reading the Bible, attending Mass, and reading about Godly men. I like to keep things simple so I will just tell you some of the basic things I am trying to do to be a better man based on my findings.

1. Acknowledge my Creator. One of St Augustine’s famous quotes is, “Thou hast made us for thyself, our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” I am trying to do this each day by saying to God, “Today, Your will be done and not my own. And I ask that You make Your will my own and not my will yours.”

2. Acknowledge God as Father. God is my Father and not an arbitrary ruler over my life. This is a hard one because I am hard on myself. And sometimes I see God in my own image instead of seeing myself in His. I can often have a view of God as being a tyrant ruling over me and He is not happy when I fail him. But over and over, Jesus points us to a loving and merciful Father. A Father who wants the best for me and you. I’m just trying to really focus on the loving Fatherhood of God.

3. Acknowledge my sonship. Not only is it important to see God as a loving Father but it’s important to take that a step further and see Him as MY Father. I can sometimes focus on all the things He is doing for others and forget about what is doing for me. Sometimes it seems like He is throwing out blessings to everyone but me. Being a dad helps to understand this a little better. Sometimes one child gets something that the other child doesn’t. It doesn’t mean I don’t love both children. It just simply means that that thing is meant for that child and in time the other child will receive his or her own thing. This is how it is with God, our Father. Just because I am not receiving a “particular” blessing (note: we are always receiving something from Him) from Him in this moment does not mean I am not His beloved child. It simply means I must wait a little longer for my blessing from my loving Father.

4. Acknowledge that I’m a son among sons and daughters. All baptized christians have been adopted into the family of God. We are all part of One Body. And as a part of one body, what I do affects the rest of the body and what the rest of the body does affects me. This where I am trying to focus on building others up rather than tearing them down. If I tear someone down then I tear myself down, I tear Christ down. But if I build someone up I build myself up, I build Christ up. Taking it a step further, if my brother or sister is torn down by someone else then I am torn down. It is therefore my place and duty to defend my brother or sister. I often say to my children when they are putting each other down, “Your brother/sister will have plenty of people who will put him/her down in this world. So, be someone that builds them up.” Jesus has called us to love one another as He has loved us.

Of course, there is a lot more to becoming a better man but I think this is a good starting place: You and I are a beloved child of God, our Father. You and I are His and He is ours. We are brothers and sisters in Christ.

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Merry Christmas one minute, Bah Humbug the next!

I hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Mine started off great. My kids got up late so my wife and I got a little sleep. We opened presents, had breakfast, and stayed warm by the fire! It was a “Wonderful Life”...for a moment. Then I got the news that the down stairs bathroom was stopped up. So a little bump in the road but with few plunges all was set right, again...for a moment. Next came the news that there was water all over the basement floor! This time our upstairs main drain line stopped up!

This was no job for a plunger. This was major blockage. This was going to take some time. My time. My precious Christmas Vacation time! Can you see where I am going with this? One minute it was Merry Christmas and the next it was “Bah humbug!”

So what would you have done? How would you have reacted?

I can tell how I wanted to react, how I reacted, and how I want to react. I wanted to scream and cuss. I felt like the A Christmas Story dad. I wanted to rip out all the plumbing under the house and put in new pipes. And I wanted everyone: wife, kids, in-laws, everyone to stay out of my way until I could get this fix and get my life back to normal. I wanted to tell God off (you know the ‘Why me God” reaction) and to tell him to back off! This is how I wanted to react and this is how I have reacted several times in my past:

The Old Way

Step 1: I get mad

Step 2: I focus on all the negative

Step 3: I blame others and God for having a part in my demise

Step 4: I attack the problem all the while cursing and screaming as things don’t work out

Step 5: I grow angry as I try to fix the problem and repeat steps 3-5

Step 6: I come to a breaking point and call out for help from God.

Step 7: I remember the gifts God gave me to solve problems: My intellect, My wife, and My friends.

Step 8: I solve the problem

Step 9: I praise God and apologize for the way I talked to him and treated Him

Step 10: I apologized to my wife and thank her of being my helper

Now, how did I react? Well, I started to go step by step as usual through the ‘old way’ but then I reminded myself that I want to help other men find a better way to solve problems. In doing so, I want to practice what I preach. So, I stopped and thought about how I should react in these types of situations. In the future, this is how I want to react which I will call:

The Manville Way of Solving Problems

Step 1: Praise God for His many blessings! Remember He is for me!

Step 2: Remember the gifts God has giving me to solve problems: My intellect, My wife, my friends

Step 3: Focus on the positive

Step 4: Solve the problem

Step 5: Praise God for His many blessings!

Sounds a lot better, right? It’s amazing how much time and energy is lost when we focus on the negative. Now, the question is how do I, or you, go from the “Old Way” of solving problems to the “Manville Way?”

Well, it’s simple...I’m just kidding. It’s not simple. It is a process that will take time, but I can offer some simple ways to getting started on that process.

1. Spend time with God. Read His word and pray to him. And for me as a Catholic that includes going to Mass and receiving the Eucharistic, the Body and Blood of Christ. You have to spend time to get to know God for who He truly is. He is your loving Father who wants the best for you.

2. Practice Step 1, 2, 3, and 5 of the Manville Way when there are no problems. Think on these steps throughout the day. Thank your spouse or friend(s) for being there when you need them. When a problem does arise you will naturally bring these steps to mind.

3. Practice the Manville Way with small problems. Practice this process when the dog gets out or when a light bulb goes out. Prepare yourself with the small problems so that when big problems come you’ll be ready.

4. Pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit changes your heart. Pray that God strengthens you to honor Him in all you do, in good times and in bad times.

Getting to where we are to where we want to be will take time. But it is not a impossible task. So take it one step at a time! Let us know if we can pray for you about this or anything and let us know how you’re progressing.

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The Angry Old Man?

I love to fish, especially for largemouth bass. One day, I was fishing at our church’s pond and I hooked a fish good. I reeled him in and low and behold he halfway swallowed the hook. So, I struggled with the hook and finally got it out. Then I lowered the fish back down into the water. And the fish just sat there. Eventually, it started to turn up on its side. I knew then this fish was a goner. Well, I didn’t want it to die in vain, so I picked it up to carry it home and eat it.

I grew up going to my grandfather's lake cabin often with my dad and grandparents. While us kids would swim, my grandfather would catch fish. Then near supper time my dad and grandfather would gut and clean the fish. I can’t tell you how many catfish and brim that I had seen cleaned and prepared to eat. Why, I could have practically cleaned them myself. So I thought...

My fishing education was further enhanced by my stepfather who was an avid fisherman. I grew up in admiration of his 15 bass (all over 10 lbs) that adorned our den wall. My stepfather did not care to eat wild game, be it deer or bass, but nonetheless, I had seen him filet a few fish. It looked easy enough.

So I was full of confidence that I could accomplish the task at hand. When I arrived home, I laid the fish on my front porch and retrieved a knife from our kitchen. I guess I should mention for context purposes that I was about 24 years old at the time and about a year into my marriage. I could also mention that I was a former boy scout and my college degrees are all science related. To say the least, my knowledge of the anatomy of a fish is firmly developed. I also had a job in college in which I cut apart horses and cows for disposal. There was really nothing that I could think of that would make me doubt my ability to clean a small bass.

With a knife in hand, I lowered the knife to the fish. I started to slice the fish in the side. Then suddenly I stopped. I moved the knife to the belly of the fish to gut it open. Then I stopped. And at that moment, reality started to hit me. I realized I had no idea what I was doing. As I proceeded, the scene that unfolded was about as ugly as the hack job that I did on that poor fish. I couldn’t get the knife to cut through the fish. And with every failed stroke of the knife, I descended into a hole of self doubt and self pity.

Why wouldn’t the stupid knife work right? Why does every simple thing I try fail? Why am I a failure? I was so mad. Why couldn’t I clean this stupid fish? I’ll tell you why! It was because my father, who I watched clean a million fish, never stopped to take the time to teach me how to do it. That and God was against me. I finally just gave up and threw the thing away. (Read in Fatherhood for alternate ending)

I don’t know about you but I’ve played the lead role in this scenario a million times. I try something and I fail at it, it doesn’t go right, something else breaks, or things get worse. In the midst of it I begin to have self doubt. And then I get angry. At first, the anger is self directed. Then somehow along the way I directed it at God. Why is that? Maybe, it is because the nature of man is to find someone or something to blame. That’s what Adam did in the garden. He blamed Eve. Not only that, he actually blamed God. He points out that God gave him Eve. There may be other reasons. Whatever the reason, venturing down the path of self doubt, self directed anger, and anger towards God doesn’t help.

First, God is not against you. He is for you and me. We are his adopted sons. This is the truth we need to feed on. “Our Father who art in heaven…” this is how Jesus teaches us to view God. It is this truth that we need to think deeply about. God is a father! He loves us as a father loves his son! What father wants his son to fail? When we fail, God is not cheering, he is cringing. He wants to reach down and do it for us but like a good father He doesn’t. Sometimes, He allows us to fail so that we can grow as a man. He does this with the confidence that we will overcome our failures. He knows our identity is not found our failures (or even our successes). It is found in Christ. And He is a overcomer! We are overcomers!

Second, self directed anger perpetuates the lie that you are not good enough. That know matter what you do, you will ultimately fail. News flash: Sometimes things go wrong. There may even be a season of life when this happens. Regardless, it’s not a reflection of who you are. The other thing you should know is that it does not just happen to you. You're not the only one that fails and gets angry. I have learned that a lot of men often relate to the Hulk- “You’re not going to like me when I am angry!”

Third, being angry is not the problem. It is what you do with that anger that becomes the problem. If you are self directing it, I’ll address that in a second. If you are directing at others, be it verbally or physically, you need to take steps to stop. Seek some counsel from a pastor, a friend, or a professional counselor. Don’t let the abuse continue.

If this a self directed problem (or directed at others) here a couple things you might try:

1. Pray. Pray daily that God helps you with this. Be proactive about this problem. Pray when the situation arises. When you first begin to feel yourself get angry, stop and say a prayer. Sometime like, “Father God, I know you are for me. Help me stay calm.” It may take some repeating.

2. Assess the situation for what it is. It might have been caused by a poor decision or it might have just happened. In either case, it didn't happen because God or whatever powers that be have their hand against you.

3. Open up to a friend about this problem. And ask them to pray for you. You might find they need the same from you or they may need prayer for something else. Remember, we are all one body in Christ. We should seek to help other members of the body and we should be willing to accept help from other members of the body.

It is inevitable that trials will come our way. If you are always responding to those trials with anger, then you are going to fail to become the man God wants to be. You are just going to become an angry old man. Be more than that! Be an overcomer!

Update: Over the summer (2020) I took my kids fishing for catfish with their Nana and Don (my in-laws). We took the fish back to Nana and Don's for Don to clean. You better believe I was right there with him. I watched him clean a few. Then he handed me the knife and I gutted and cleaned a few myself.

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